About the network
Cats are the only objective observers of human affairs.
Cat Global News reports real events. The reporting is done by cats, who have no stake in the outcome, no party affiliation, and no intention of pretending otherwise.
How a broadcast is made
Writers take a real story and find the cat angle. Correspondents are cast from footage of real cats, contributed by their humans. The audio is cats and room tone — no human voices, no impressions, no narration. The reporting itself is carried by the subtitles and the broadcast graphics, which is how a cat would file it if a cat filed anything.
Every line of every broadcast is a separate, time-coded, speaker-attributed object rather than a block of text. That is why each broadcast page can show you the transcript with timecodes, and why subtitles in other languages line up with the same footage.
Who is on staff
The correspondents are on the masthead. The humans are a very small newsroom, and every cat who appears does so with their human’s written consent and a licence to CGN.
The legal bit
Cat Global News is satire. It is not a real news organisation, it is not affiliated with or endorsed by any real news organisation, and it does not imitate the branding of one. Names, graphics, and the network identity are original. Where a broadcast references a real event, the event is real and the commentary is a joke told by a cat.
No cat is harmed, coached, costumed against its will, or asked to hold an opinion it did not already have. Footage is contributed voluntarily and can be withdrawn by the contributor at any time.
Get in touch
Corrections, footage offers, and complaints from cats: desk@catglobalnews.com.